As I was lathering up about 10 minutes ago, pre-packing-packing-for-wisconsin-era, I found myself blissfully thinking about the top ten types of pothead persona’s I’ve come across in my marijourneys/weedventures. I thought ‘there are so many why would I limit it to ten,’–because folks, it’s a nice a short and sweet (like your burn out attention span) list of the good, bad, ugly, here goes–in no particular order (well, mine, but i know you know one of them!):
1. The ‘second guesser’:
Sometimes you find yourself enjoying hippie lettuce with a group of friends, and sometimes those friends bring their ‘nah s/he’s chill, I mean I don’t think they blaze much, but it’s straight,’ friend who you can tell is having a little paranoid fantasy in their head. When asked a question they look at you with a blank stare, finger nail biting, nervous smiles, ‘…what?’ reactions and start talking about what-if’s and questions entirely not in the realm of situations at present time…r-e-l-a-x…some people smoke it to do that. Some people just do. Chill out, bra.
2. The ‘one-upper’:
Okay, I have to admit I actually have this person all together in life, but it’s worst when you’re involving a substance of any kind. I do NOT give a shit if you can smoke a pound to your face out of the sweet handmade blown crystal bong made by the most famous artist in Amsterdam, with President Obama–although that would be sweet, I don’t care if you can intake any more than me, that sucks you have to spend more money to get satisfied. Although the most miraculously outrageous circumstances occurred in your life, I still blaze too and enjoy it. Sick story though.
3. The ‘bragadocious shitty blunt roller’
Your blunts suck. They are usually fat and short and look more like a weed packed cigarette rolled in a dutch. You probably lost half the weed trying to ‘fix it’ when you just ripped off or bit off a ton of paper and weed in the process. Thanks for losing .5 of that gram 🙂
4. The ‘silent’
That’s it. See ya later. sitting in the car was fun for 20 minutes when we DIDN’T SPEAK AT ALL on that blunt ride. or in the house/outside, whatever the circumstances may be, take the ride and enjoy the mind alterations verbally–I want to hear your stupid thoughts and fun ideas too, although they may seem hilariously intelligent at the time, they’re probably just hilarious and aren’t true/won’t happen.
5. Just your drug dealer
Sometimes it’s fun when the person you exchange dollar currency for marijuana with wants to blaze–they may be your friend, you may get blitzed, but sometimes they’re just the person you exchange goods with. When that happens and they happen to offer you marijuana and it’s just awkward, I can’t stand that…maybe its just me, but having that only in common kind of kills my high, no?
6. The ‘everything is only tolerable when you’re high’:
That is not true. The best high was being 5 years old and untouchable…uncomparable superhero-feeling to feeling stoney bologna…Try going to class not high, it’s amazing to see that you actually have sometime intelligent to contribute, or don’t go to work bent off your ass, sometimes you can be a nice person and help people…Sometimes it’s what puts people right at normalcy–but don’t talk about it like it’s your saving grace/multiple daily energy drink. Just blaze.
7. The ‘stupid commenter’:
I know i do this sometimes, but i think it’s actually miscommunication or something when this happens–sometimes i know higher thinking can sound so good in your head, but when you blurt it out, it suddenly becomes the pink elephant in the room–like what the fuck did they just say/’what do you mean?’/’what the fuck are you talking about dude’…but just think about it maybe twice, if it’s really good, maybe it’ll be the best laugh for everyone. it’s 50/50.
8. The passer-outter:
Please please please, i hate when i toke with someone and they immediately want to sleep. I know it relaxes you and all, maybe it’s even shwag if you’re uneducated/inexperienced at buying nugs, but try to keep one eye open when we’re chillin’, narcolpetic nancy.
9. The “wtc”:
wtf, you’re wtc, for what…a blunt? If you think you’re way too cool to smoke this blunt or even think about saying “yooo, just chill,” one time, to any fellow smoker, 1) you are not nice 2) you are wtc, WAY TOO COOL. and I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible. I love you fellow spliff-ripper, but please do not say ‘chill’ or act anxious and set up this whole scenario and then act like it’s just the ‘chillest’ environment ever if that one person would stop talking…in the words of the Beatles, let mother Mary come to you and “speak[ing] words of wisdom, let it be”
10. hey, oh what was your name again? humphrey bogart? hey, yeah sorry to interrupt, but um pass that shit. nuff’ said.
keep smilinBIg 🙂
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