12 Things You’re Likely to Lose While Stoned

As a kid my mom would yell from the next room nicely ask me to get or do things for her downstairs on the first floor. My room was on the second floor so the trip took all of 30 seconds but 50% of the time once I made it down I had no idea what I was there for. I say this to note my memory was always shit but now that I’m a stoner forgetting things is a daily ritual like eating breakfast (did i have breakfast this morning… wait… something with butter… & tea? *checks Facebook status* yup… anyway). On Facebook and Twitter we asked you the readers what items slip your mind while you’re red eyed and got some interesting responses. From the replies and a few incidents of my own I’ve compiled a list of 12 Things You’re Likely to Lose While Stoned. If you’re baked right now I bet you’ve already lost one of these:

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1. Remote

As big as this one is I bet if I was high enough I could kick it under the couch, leave it in the freezer or place it in the oven, who knows. Losing the remote is the worst when you’ve been zoned out for hours watching a marathon of (insert hilarious sitcom here) and all of a sudden you hear “IT SLICES, IT DICES, IT HAS A MEAN BACKHAND IT’S SLAP CHOP! CALL NOW AND GET THREE SLAP CHOPS, FOUR MINI CONTAINERS AND TWO MUGS ALL FOR three easy payments of $19.95! BUY NOW!!!!” I don’t know about you but I don’t need him lingering in MY dreams… creeper.

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2. Keys

These suckers will slip through anything, but when you’ve got jerks pranksters as friends they can end up in the most unusual places. I’ve found them frozen in a cup of ice, behind 10 gallons of ice cream, in the deep freezer. It was tons of fun melting them out the cup. THANKS! *karma was a bitch though! 😉

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3. Money/Wallet

I say good riddance if you lose your wallet and it looks like this ^^^ smh, just disrespectful! It is a pain in the ass replacing the contents though. Lines at the DMV, holding music between a million transfers on the phone with credit card companies and banks… hopefully you’re smart enough to not have your social security card in there too; otherwise, let’s hope some random foreigner needing a green card and a bank loan doesn’t find your old ass beat up wallet!

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4. Dutch (wrap, papers, or bowl)

So you’ve made your journey home over the river and through the woods, all up in the rabbit hole on the adventure of copping some bud. You finally settle in to your abode, proceed to make a quick snack, grind your priceless treasure, reach in your hoodie pocket… WTF… TELL ME YOU DIDN’T DROP THE DUTCH!? When you’re high you will retrace every step you’ve taken in the last 24 hours trying to find that one dutch only to resolve the situation by hitting the bong.

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5. Phone

In today’s technology driven society everyone’s searching for the newest, highly priced, *crazy insane amount of gigs*, extremely small device. It’s nice being able to send memorable moment type pictures at top speeds to your waiting and ready laser printer, but what good is it when your phone is (unaware to your knowledge) somewhere beyond cushion valley within the deep caves and caverns of Couchland? No bueno….

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6. Car

Don’t you hate walking down row after row of car after car searching for a glimpse of what looks to be your head/brake lights as you vigorously click the alarm? One burning hot summer’s day on a family trip to a water park, I figured it’d be a good idea to take a smoke break in order to enhance the watertastic pardise I was about to indulge in. So I made up some excuse to run back out to the car (away from the fam and possible security) and enjoyed a nice sized clip through the lot. I probably should have smoked after I got the unimportant item out the car though. Let’s say it took me a little longer than expected to locate the vehicle and of course the search party was sent to find me. Luckily enough weed runs in my blood line because once I DID find our cars my uncles were hitting the spliff. Pass that…

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7. Food

Toking and munchies go together like day and night, one right after another. Imagine purchasing a delicious and nutritious turkey and ham sandwich, lettuce, tomato and mayo on wheat bread lightly toasted with American and Provolone Cheese like the one pictured above. You’ve got the munchies so you won’t forget the Cheetos. How do you feel when you realize you left your whole bag on the counter at the deli though?

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8. Track of Time

A tip to all my new smokers: After smoking always leave an ample amount of time before any pertinent appointments or scheduled events that require your timeliness. Time seems to fly by, slowly as hell (if that makes any sense) when I’m smoking. I try to avoid smoke sessions at least an hour within anything I’m expected to be on time for; otherwise I’m coming fashionably late and probably not giving a fuck if I’m still zooted.

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9. Train of Thoughts

Stoner conversations tend to vary in quality, it depends on the group of people and the amount of weed. In my circle someone’s bound to begin a story or joke of epic proportions only to forget they were even talking and fail mid sentence. Dazed and confused are a nice way of putting it.

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10. Blunt/Joint

I’d cry if I lost a whole bin of joints like this but losing even one is like a dagger to the heart. On numerous occasions I’ve had to roll in secret, tight locations and hide the blunt (don’t ask where). Sometimes it goes out mid session, I forget I was even smoking and it slips right out my hand. Sometimes it’s chillin’ behind my ear while I’m on my hands and knees searching for dear life. Regardless it finds its way out of my possession. Always a nice surprise when it pops back up though.

11. Stash

It’s a good idea to keep your stash somewhere it’s tucked away safe from harm (I mean it is still illegal) but it’s a bad idea to hide it so well even you can’t find it. I always seem to think “YES! This is a great spot to store the stash. No one will find it and I’ll NEVER forget it here!” then some THC later it’s “YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Who took my weed?????????”. Because no one wants to admit they lost their own stash. Come on.

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12. Lighter

Ah the legendary Bic. This was the most posted response when we asked “What are you likely to lose while stoned?” Through my own experience I can definitely agree that I constantly misplace the lighter while smoking. Not to mention every other smoker is a conscious or subconscious lighter thief so it’s bound to get snatched in the cypher. DOWN WITH LIGHTER THIEVES!!!

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Author: Semi

Young Buddha on a mission to GoSpreadLove. If it involves weed, food, music, art or philosophy; I will probably be in attendance. Much love to you & whatever you do. Artist, Songwriter & Super Saiyan Sativa Diva aka Director of Communications/PR & Social Media @ HailMaryJane.com   Everything about me is sweet & spicy.   SoundcloudTwitter | Instagram | Facebook

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