This is a Guest Post from our friends over at Weed Maps.
Dictators are bad people, sure. But they also tend to be either really fun-loving or full of crazy ideas, and either way, that makes us wonder what it would be like to get high with them. Here’s our top-five list of the best tyrants, past and present, to smoke a bowl of medical marijuana with:
5. Saparmurat Niyazov
Niyazov, also known as “Turkmenbashi” (“Leader of the Turkmen”), president for life of Turkmenistan, may have died a few years ago, but his memory lives on as one of the nuttiest rulers of modern times. He once changed the name of January to “Turkmenbashi”; he also renamed September to “Ruhnama,” after the title of a book he’d just published. He had some big visions, too, including a huge ice palace in the middle of a desert. He was also an award-winning poet, although he gave the award to himself. Reading about his life, you get the feeling he was already on some pretty strong stuff.
4. Mao Zedong
This Communist revolutionary ruled China with an iron grip, but when he wasn’t killing tens of millions of people, he was writing poetry and philosophy. You’ve got to figure that a guy like that would be pretty interesting to have a conversation with under the influence. Here’s an example of one his shorter poems:
I whip my swift horse, glued to my saddle.
I turn my head startled,
The sky is three foot three above me!
Smoke enough, and that might actually start to make sense.
3. Henry VIII
One of history’s most notorious monarchs, Henry VIII may have been a bastard, but he knew how to party. When he was young, he was the strongest, handsomest prince in Europe, but 38 years of being in charge turned him into a fat bastard who’d rather watch jousts all day and drink ‘til he blacked out than do anything that would require him to stand up. We think pot could have made such a lifestyle even more enjoyable. Also, he, too, was something of an artist, and he once wrote a song that began, “Pastime with good company / I love and shall unto I die.” That sounds like a man who would enjoy some good medical cannabis.
2. Kim Jong-Il
One thing about totalitarian dictatorships is how surreal they can be, and Kim is really the gold standard for crazy dictators. His picture is plastered on every building and in every house in the country. He’s even worshipped as a living god, and his followers claim that he can heal the sick and control the weather. In other words, he’s a jerk, but we think that listening to him describe his divine powers and reminisce about the time he conquered the United States single handed would be pretty enjoyable if you were high. And if that got boring, you can just hang out and watch some TV together—he’s especially fond of Daffy Duck. An added bonus: he’s said to dine on fine caviar and lobster every day, so if you get the munchies, you’ll have plenty to eat—which is more than you can say if you smoke with anybody else in North Korea.
1. Vlad the Impaler
We could go on and on about why Vlad, who ruled the Romanian state of Wallachia in the mid-1400s, was evil, starting with his love of impaling his enemies—he lined 20,000 impaled corpses along the road to his capital. But put all that aside and ask yourself, how cool would it be if you could tell people you once got high with Dracula?
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