Fuck You, Satan

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Is it just my personal hatred for this overrated tool, or does anyone else feel like crushing Reggie Wayne’s larynx with a pair of vice-grips? I don’t trust any player from the U. They’re usually have boyfriends. Fuckers. All the hot air blown over the greatness of these Miami hacks is why we have global warming. You know what? I’m not buying that, either. Global warming doesn’t exist. Just like Reggie’s supposed top receiver status.

Peyton knows what he’s doing. He’s a Vol, goddammit. He can’t not know! So excuse me if I get a little sick when someone not doing his job—umm, REGGIE!—costs Tennessee’s favorite son a second Super Bowl ring. But that’s a Miami player for you. Plus he’s probably a communist.

Wide the fuck open, game on the line, down by a touchdown, and cockboy Wayne decides to not only give up on the route, but not even contest the interception by Tracy “Scrub” Porter. Holy fucking balls, moron. You do realize this is the Super Bowl, right? And if that wasn’t gut-wrenchingly excruciating enough, the estrogen-laden Wayne then dropped a touchdown pass that would have kept the game in reach! God. Just die soon!

The fix is in. I don’t care what bozo Trey Wingo has to add or what fucking Dan Marino decides to go into a drug-induced rant about on the postgame. Here’s what really happened, and they can print this shit up in text books next year. I don’t care.

Reggie Wayne is a compulsive gambler. He got in over his head always betting black on the roulette tables, because he heard Wesley Snipes’ line in one of his cheesy movies. And Wesley Snipes is his hero. Eventually, Wayne was approached by some mafia-type individuals, with big noses, 1980s’ jumpsuits and crap-hands, and told he had to pay 5% on the principle plus the vig.

Way-way offered his first born, but the mob doesn’t do much on accepting crack babies as payment. So Reggie was fucked. He had to fix the game, or else the mob would kidnap his prostitute-slash-girlfriend and murder his pet guinea pig named Sergeant Blubber.

And it’s the truth, or else you wouldn’t be reading it!

Stick to online casinos next time, fucknuts, instead of ruining a former Vols chance at pure dominance. You’re on the wall of shame for this one, Reginald.

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Author: Lenny

Women. Weed. Weather. @LennyGaiter @hail_mary_jane

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