Seven Things I Hate About Smoking (Marijuana)

This post was written by JV420, Click here to read more by this author

I love to smoke marijuana, hence the reason I write for this site. I'm all for decriminalizing it for medical use (and for recreational if you're responsible and not like, 12 years old) and truly believe it is the key to stimulating our economy and helping build a better nation. Some things however happen in the course of smoking a (bowl, blunt, joint, etc) that drive me nuts:

1. Ash In Your Mouth
ashes
I smoke my bowl quite often. It's quick, easy and takes all the guess work out of trying to get high (i.e. rolling a bad blunt/joint). The only thing I hate about smoking my bowl though, is when I torch that last hit, and it all pulls through and flies into my mouth. It doesn't taste like anything, but the texture of the ash and especially if it gets in your throat is agonizing. Even worse is if it's a "fireball", that is you pull a cherried hit through and it burns your tongue.

2. Spilling Bong Water

I rip my bong quite often as well. One fat, milky hit and I'm swimming around Neptune. The water filters out "the addictive shit" (according to Dale Denton) and if you have an ashcatcher or a diffuser on your piece it's added purification. But knock a bong over and not be quick handed, and you'll be smelling it for days. For added nausea, spill it on your favorite pair of jeans or in your carpet. My advice; change your bong water often. No one likes bong water like the water from the beginning of Grandma's Boy. It's smelly, and not to mention unsightly.

3. The Paranoia

This is a no-brainer, but sometimes my mind just wanders and I just start to get the heeby jeebys. When high, you develop these intricate scenarios of how you're about to get caught and they all seem entirely plausible which is the worst (and funniest) part about it. I remember one time I was convinced my parents had video cameras in the house and they were taping me as I smoked a blunt. Crazy, I know.

4. The Laughing

I don't hate this, at all. In fact I love having a nice hearty laugh when I'm fried. But what I do hate is laughing in situations that don't call for it. Being high (and as mentioned above your mind wanders) and if you think of something funny, it's instantly one hundred times funnier. I recall one time my friend was vomiting her brains out when she was drunk, and I couldn't stop laughing at her. But then again it was her vomiting and not me, so I was happy.

5. Red Eyes/High Eyes

I don't dislike this so much as it's a dead giveaway that I'm baked out of my mind. I'm one of those people who when they blaze, their eyes get as "red as the devils' dick!" (another Pineapple Express reference.. it's a good movie) As soon as someone looks into my eyes they know, and from there the grinning and laughing commences which doesn't help too much either.

6. Cotton Mouth

Everyone everywhere can agree with this one. Cotton mouth has got to be one of the worst things about smoking marijuana. Do you get cotton mouth when you smoke cigarettes? Let me know in the comments below. Anyways, cotton mouth can make talking a pain, and eating even worse. Easy remedy though, just bang back a glass of ice cold water. I made the mistake of taking a shot of vodka when I had cotton mouth once; it was the strangest feeling ever. It was like liquid velvet was sloshing around in my mouth.

7. The Fact It's Still Illegal (Federally)

This is most aggravating about smoking marijuana. I have to duck and hide it like I'm a thieving criminal. I was discussing this matter with a friend earlier in the week, and it's a shame that we're being locked up and prosecuted for possessing and smoking a plant. I think stealing/downloading music is more of a crime than smoking marijuana and in the grand scheme of things, it is.

These seven things will never ever stop me from smoking marijuana, they just rub me the wrong way... But come to think of it when I'm baked I don't really care, I just get over it and keep on keepin' on, which is what you should be doing my dear reader.

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Author: JV420

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  • bud032

    I don't like ashes in my mouth either,so after the first time it happened I went out and bought some screens (about a buck for 5).Problem solved.Oh yeah,the paranoia thing,that happens to me only when I smoke a mostly sativa strain like super silver haze.Good luck and Peace

  • jonny mcsmokeweed

    i need someone to clean my bowl bong and vaporizor so I can focus on the task at hand — getting stoned

  • max

    wat about that generaly painful feeling in ur throat from blazing all day? my tripple perk bing usualy helps with that but now that im at college im stuck witha bubbler thats been beating up my throat/lungs. and for the real heavy blazers those nasty lugies i hauck up with like black ass tar in it, just makes me feel unhealthy.

    bout to play some stoned cod mw2 ;)

  • http://www.dear-whoever.com Junior

    #5 is the bane of my existence!!!

  • SourD

    I hate to say it but ive been clean for employment purpose for over 8 weeks now, and I dont miss smoking the slightest for many of the reasons you listed, especially #7. Other thing I hate is it can hit your wallet and you dont even realize. Papers,Blunts,Munchies food, that shit adds up when you're not even thinking about it.

  • nik

    once I was smoking out my bedroom window, and the birds were chirping and I swear to god I thought the cops had trained weed detecting birds.

  • Mr. Eastside

    hahaha my eyes also get red as shit after I blaze…. I used to use visine, but a lot of guys on here suggested Rohto, so I tried that for the first time a few days ago. But seriously, if there was only one thing I could change, it would be my devil's red eyes!

  • http://www.joshandorion.com josh

    It's all true! The one about inappropriate laughing is a huge one for me. I'll be at stores/wherever by myself and start laughing alone in an aisle.

  • jay

    Almost all of your problems, aside from red-eyes and illegality, can be solved by using a vaporizer.

  • ccloud

    what is that fukin weed in that picture it makes me trip out by just lookin :wtf lol

  • buggin

    the cure for cottonmouth is putting cotton balls in your mouth

    think dentist and then argue with me

  • john

    smoking butts can give you cotton mouth but not usually its mostly when you allready have cotton mouth from smoking weed and then smoke a cigarette but it does make your cotton mouth way worse

  • http://hailmaryjane.com JV420

    I own a vape, sometimes I just dont want to wait for it to warm up…. if anyone wants to give me a volcano though, I'd greatly appreciate it.

  • Mister Punde

    fo real

    I only hate when the weed's done

  • max

    kinda a catch 22 but my list must go

    1. how much shit costs
    2. running out of herb!

  • DanKarBat

    my wurst is the laughing, ill be walking up to the counter to pay for a drink or somthing and just burst into an uncontrollable snicker that quickly turns into a cackle that just gives the game away -_-

  • TheGavinator

    I got it into my head that the neighbors had contacted the law, and for the next hour I heard the door being kicked in and "This Is The Police!" on a megaphone

  • Hemperor_Green

    I think the paranoia thing is what gets me the most when i'm with friends. We always scheme up so many different ways of getting caught each one scarier than the next haha. Also the giggling can be funny but frustrating at times. Especially when you try to keep a straight face in front of a group of people, but the more you strain a smile the stupider you look.

  • ItbeMe

    Hey, what about forgetting things?! I freaking hate that when blazing! And paranoia could be really annoying too.

  • anon

    The brain fog. If you don't think it exists, try stopping for a couple weeks (assuming you are a daily smoker and have been for a while).

  • jamesblunt

    the worst is when you are actually getting caught (parents, cops, strangers… w/e) and THEN you can't stop laughing!

  • 8u9
  • http://littlebitchie.com Agree with anon

    I second the brain fog. It’s the reason I’m slowly quitting. I stopped for 2 weeks and smoked 4 days after that in a row so now I’m stopping again…

  • highmorethansober

    hey man what about dry eyes holy shit i can’t wear contacts when i smoke because of this

  • highmorethansober

    i used to sell and be high 24/7 i would walk around the nayboorhood doing sales paranoid as fuck i thought everyone was watching me i literally had diffferent sports in the hood setup to meet people for one behind the lake, in the woods at a certain spot haha.

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          Undercover cop, correct?

          • Letusdecide

            Wie getz, Howie?

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  • cosmo

    lol All the above. Except i dont get the “They’re out to get me” paranoia. I just get the good old “Man, everyone is looking at me and and are thinking I am a real freakazoid looser” kind of paranoia. This induces a huge panic attack for which then makes me think I am loosing my mind and going insane. That is why dosage amount is very important. Get high – not stoned if this happens to you. If you see little fairies…then quit smoking immediately…forever.