According to the National Survey on American Attitudes Towards Substance Abuse XVI (I much preferred XV’s findings), Facebook can “influence” your underage child to drink, Twitter will turn them into a pothead (follow us on Twitter!), and Jersey Shore will turn them into a pill-popping troglodytes* (I’m paraphrasing). It’s no coincidence the survey was conducted by CASA, or the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse. What’s that you say? Bias? Psshaw. What bias?
The studies author, Joseph Califano, who also happens to be the founder and chairman of Columbia University’s National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, claims in a written statement:
“The findings in this year’s survey should strike Facebook fear into the hearts of parents of young children and drive home the need for parents to give their children the will and skill to keep their heads above the water of the corrupting cultural currents their children must navigate.[…] The time has come for those who operate and profit from social networking sites like Facebook to deploy their technological expertise to curb such images and to deny use of their sites to children and teens who post pictures of themselves and their friends drunk, passed out or using drugs. Continuing to provide the electronic vehicle for transmitting such images constitutes electronic child abuse.”
- MySpace –HOLY SHIT WE HAVE A MYSPACE PAGE! Fuck!–I’m gonna send them all my Lou Reed impersonations in the nude! Huzzah!
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