Thanksgiving: The One True Stoner Holiday

There are occasions where toking would not only make the moment more enjoyable, but it would almost seem as if the event is calling for you to get baked. Many holidays come to mind, but none more so than Thanksgiving. Let’s break this down; A large get-together of family and friends are brought together to talk about the few joys of living on this planet and the remembrance of how we got here… and a massive cornucopia of delicious foods to munch down on afterward for days to come.

To be honest, I’m not OK with the true nature of the “1st” Thanksgiving. Back when the “Pilgrims” and Native Americans sat down together after so much bloodshed and feasted together, a national holiday was born. We think about that one particular day in history and imagine a happily ever after for both the Newcomers and the Natives and give thanks each year for our many blessings. But then we forget about the genocide that followed. They’re called Native Americans for a reason. They were here first. They had set up societies, culture, and a faith of their own. But then the White Man came and brought all their diseases, weapons, and a God of their own with them. (Hint: It was Jesus)

So now let’s look at the stats:

White Man Population: Huge

Red Man Population: Not So Huge

So maybe the founding of Thanksgiving is not something to be celebrated, and it makes about as much sense as a Jewish Holiday remembering a random day that Hitler thought to himself, “Hey, maybe the Jews aren’t that bad.” But in our modern sense of the holiday it’s mostly about talking with people and eating yummy food. So wouldn’t this setting be the perfect time to spark up? Of course it is.

If you can smoke with people at Thanksgiving that’s awesome, but if not, don’t be bummed. Toke up anyway and if anybody gives you shit, point to the beer in their hand and tell them what you’re doing is safer than what their doing. Then see who can drive home intoxicated on their drug of choice and not get pulled over. (Another Hint: It’s the stoned one)

And if for some reason all of this hasn’t convinced you to blaze yet, then think about this: Columbus brought cannabis seeds on their journey to the new world. They used industrial hemp to clothe themselves and evidence shows the early settlers smoked their herb too. And we all know about the Native American’s “peace pipe”. Your 5th grade history teacher tells you they smoked tobacco and “other herbs”. Those “other herbs” were most definitely cannabis. Some tribes even used hallucinogens such as mushrooms and peyote. If only 500 years ago everyone smoked a true peace pipe, both could have lived in harmony.

So from all of us at Hail Mary Jane, enjoy the coming holiday and enjoy the bud I hope you’re smoking.

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Author: Kyler Durden

Independent Filmmaker. I Write, Direct, Act, Edit, and Produce. Like writing in my spare time. And, I'm the biggest movie nerd you'll meet.

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