Thomas Edison is a Bitch

This post was written by Tyrel Click here to read his blog and Click here to read more by this author

I’ll bet your white, middle-aged history teacher taught you that Thomas Edison discovered electricity.  You smiled and looked around at all the other kids in your  class and figured you were smarter than them because you already knew Edison discovered electricity.  Your white, rapidly expanding mother taught you about that when you were 8.  Well, SHE WAS WRONG!  Click through to see a–drunken– explanation as to why.

I’ll suspend the common belief that stoners are idiots and drop some nice biographical data to support the premise that Thomas Edison, or as I refer to him: the dickless wonder, DID NOT invent electricity.  That distinction belongs to one Nikola Tesla, originally of Austria (or modern day Croatia for all you geography nerds).  If you’re reading this in the night time, all the electricity you see around you, yea those bright things called lights,  you can thank Tesla for.

So why does everyone think Edison miraculously “discovered”electricity?  Well, mainly because he was a sociopath, with an axe to grind against his former employee, Nikola Tesla.  We go straight to the Wiki for the evidence:

Tesla claims he was offered US$50,000 (~ US$1.1 million in 2007, adjusted for inflation)[27] if he redesigned Edison’s inefficient motor and generators, making an improvement in both service and economy.[21]:54–57 In 1885 when Tesla inquired about the payment for his work, Edison replied, “Tesla, you don’t understand our American humor,” thus breaking his word.[28][29] Earning US$18 per week, Tesla would have had to work for 53 years to earn the amount he was promised. The offer was equal to the initial capital of the company. Tesla immediately resigned when he was refused a raise to US$25 per week.[30]

Tesla, in need of work, eventually found himself digging ditches for a short period of time for the Edison company. He used this time to focus on his AC polyphase system.[21]

So Edison welched on a promise he made Tesla, even while Tesla was redesigning his entire system of generators to provide more efficiency and more power.  Tesla quit when he wasn’t offered a raise to $25 a week (that’s about what bloggers make).  Then he ended up digging ditches for the Edison company to finance his next project.

I could keep piecing together what I remember from science class in high school, drunken conversations with science whiz friend, and wikipedia, or I could just show you this INCREDIBLE video, which explains why Tesla’s Alternating Current worked better than Edison’s Direct Current, which he stubbornly insisted on for years.  John C. Reilly evens stars as Tesla!  The short films even mentions the ridiculous lengths Edison attempted in order to discredit Tesla.  Tesla was the genius.  Edison was the businessman. Oh yea, the narrator of this video is drunk too.

There is a theory that Tesla, during his seemingly mad last days, actually castrated himself so he wouldn’t lose any focus.  That sounds crazy, but I like to think his balls were so big, he was discomfited by their presence in his ball sac.  So he merely removed the nuisance.  That’s not castration, that’s just practical.

Oh yea, and he was obviously a “mad” genius, as they so often are, so don’t blame the guy his eccentricities, castration not withstanding.

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Author: Tyrel

Annoyed about writing my biographical information. but here you are.

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