A recent story about the recovery of 743 pounds of marijuana in the septic tank filled with human excrement, got us wondering what we would do for that much nugget. But first, what happened?
An officer pulled over the septic truck on I-19 in Arizona last Wednesday 35 miles south of Tucson because the license plate wasn’t kosher. The officers in the area are said to “…be more vigilant because the interstate — which leads directly to Mexico — is a major thoroughfare for drug and human trafficking.” I will avoid hitchhiking in that vicinity in the future.
The 5-0 discovered the commercial markings on the truck were also invalid. So, like any grizzled officer of the law, they ended up searching through all that human dung and piss. They found the bales of grass in red and oranges bags. Probably would have made more sense to put them in brown bags. Amerite? Anyways, it got us thinking and after the jump, we list the top ten worst things we would do for 740 pounds of sinsemilla.
10) Steal candy from a baby. What?! It’s a freakin’ baby and candy rots your teeth. So what if it’s a cliche.
9) Take a crap in a port-a-john at Bonnaroo on the last day without using incense.
8) Put Icy Hot on our balls (not sure what the female equivalent would be). If you think we’re gonna put it anywhere near our pee hole, you are out of your mind. No amount of drugs would be worth that pain, but…
7) Let Chuck Liddell give us the hardest Charlie Horse he can. We prefer our face to be intact.
6) Give up weed for a year. If we got 740 lbs for free, we would gladly give up smokin’ for year, but not one day longer.
5) I would do what the esteemed Gavin McInnes did in this video. Only one sip though, and I should be allowed to puke afterwards because I’m not sure I could keep it down.
4) We would let a homeless man or woman lick our face.
3) We would refrain from masturbating or sex for a month, or we would try.
2) We would abstain from our favorite meal (in my case Chipotle) for the next ten years. I know this seems silly, especially when considering it’s Chipotle, and it gave Cartman blood in his stool. But, picture giving up the one meal you love the most for a full decade. Yea, I thought so.
1) I would sleep with a girl that had syphilis. The Herp, the Hep or the HIV nope, but syphilis I could destroy with antibiotics, so it’s on like Donkey Kong. Now where’s my 740 pounds?
Special thanks to a couple of readers that answered our poll about this important question. Even though they didn’t make our list, I wanted to post some of our favorite responses.
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