Seven Things I Hate About Smoking (Marijuana)

spill bong

I love to smoke marijuana, hence the reason I write for this site. I’m all for decriminalizing it for medical use (and for recreational if you’re responsible and not like, 12 years old) and truly believe it is the key to stimulating our economy and helping build a better nation. Some things however happen in the course of smoking a (bowl, blunt, joint, etc) that drive me nuts:

1. Ash In Your Mouth

hate smoking
I smoke my bowl quite often. It’s quick, easy and takes all the guess work out of trying to get high (i.e. rolling a bad blunt/joint). The only thing I hate about smoking my bowl though, is when I torch that last hit, and it all pulls through and flies into my mouth. It doesn’t taste like anything, but the texture of the ash and especially if it gets in your throat is agonizing. Even worse is if it’s a “fireball”, that is you pull a cherried hit through and it burns your tongue.

2. Spilling Bong Water

I rip my bong quite often as well. One fat, milky hit and I’m swimming around Neptune. The water filters out “the addictive shit” (according to Dale Denton) and if you have an ashcatcher or a diffuser on your piece it’s added purification. But knock a bong over and not be quick handed, and you’ll be smelling it for days. For added nausea, spill it on your favorite pair of jeans or in your carpet. My advice; change your bong water often. No one likes bong water like the water from the beginning of Grandma’s Boy. It’s smelly, and not to mention unsightly.

3. The Paranoia

This is a no-brainer, but sometimes my mind just wanders and I just start to get the heeby jeebys. When high, you develop these intricate scenarios of how you’re about to get caught and they all seem entirely plausible which is the worst (and funniest) part about it. I remember one time I was convinced my parents had video cameras in the house and they were taping me as I smoked a blunt. Crazy, I know.

4. The Laughing

I don’t hate this, at all. In fact I love having a nice hearty laugh when I’m fried. But what I do hate is laughing in situations that don’t call for it. Being high (and as mentioned above your mind wanders) and if you think of something funny, it’s instantly one hundred times funnier. I recall one time my friend was vomiting her brains out when she was drunk, and I couldn’t stop laughing at her. But then again it was her vomiting and not me, so I was happy.

5. Red Eyes/High Eyes

I don’t dislike this so much as it’s a dead giveaway that I’m baked out of my mind. I’m one of those people who when they blaze, their eyes get as “red as the devils’ dick!” (another Pineapple Express reference.. it’s a good movie) As soon as someone looks into my eyes they know, and from there the grinning and laughing commences which doesn’t help too much either.

6. Cotton Mouth

Everyone everywhere can agree with this one. Cottonmouth has got to be one of the worst things about smoking marijuana. Do you get cotton mouth when you smoke cigarettes? Let me know in the comments below. Anyways, cotton mouth can make talking a pain, and eating even worse. Easy remedy though, just bang back a glass of ice cold water. I made the mistake of taking a shot of vodka when I had cotton mouth once; it was the strangest feeling ever. It was like liquid velvet was sloshing around in my mouth.

7. The Fact It’s Still Illegal (Federally)

This is most aggravating about smoking marijuana. I have to duck and hide it like I’m a thieving criminal. I was discussing this matter with a friend earlier in the week, and it’s a shame that we’re being locked up and prosecuted for possessing and smoking a plant. I think stealing/downloading music is more of a crime than smoking marijuana and in the grand scheme of things, it is.

These seven things will never ever stop me from smoking marijuana, they just rub me the wrong way… But come to think of it when I’m baked I don’t really care, I just get over it and keep on keepin’ on, which is what you should be doing my dear reader.

Seven Things I Hate About Smoking (Marijuana)
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