Stoners are always looking for like minded people because it’s more fun to share than it is to smoke alone. So if you’re wandering around looking for someone to smoke some herb with, then you better know how to tell if someone is a stoner. Just as a disclaimer – you can get some pretty strange reactions if you wander up to a non-smoker asking if they want to share your joint.
There are a whole lot of reasons you might want to tell if someone is a pothead. Perhaps you’re suspicious of a co-worker and would love to have someone to smoke with on lunch breaks. Perhaps you want to have more buddies around to share weed with you when you’ve run out! Or maybe you don’t actually smoke and are just nosy, trying to find out if your kids, friends or parents smoke weed. In any case, we’ve compiled this list of ways to find out if someone is a pothead!
Ah – I need weed for my glaucoma, doctor! Stoner eyes are the best indicator someone is a stoner. And it’s not just about the redness, is it? It’s about those lazy eyelids, those unfocused stares. Looking into the eyes of a person can tell you a lot – especially whether they smoke weed or not.
Ask for a lighter
If you’re not sure whether someone is a pothead or not, ask them for a lighter. If you never see them smoke but they have a lighter to give you, you can basically guarantee that they smoke weed. Be careful that you’re not just asking someone who smokes cigarettes. But if they don’t have that lingering tobacco smell, then you probably have a stoner nearby.
Look at the lighter
You know what I’m talking about. Almost every stoner uses the bottom of the lighter to stubb out joints or to push the smoked bowl down. For good measure, if there’s scratches on the bottom sides of the lighter, you know that they use it as a bottle opener, too.
I also notice that stoners hate to have the safety apparatus on the lighter. It’s one of the first things they remove when they buy it. Be careful that you’re not about to ask a crackhead for his lighter.
They smell like weed all the time
Could this be anymore obvious? If you walk past someone who smells like skunk, you can bet that they don’t have skunks living in their house. The chances are that you just found out someone is a stoner. Be gentle and careful when you approach. Don’t be all like – “Hey you! You smell like weed!” The last thing you want to do is scare off someone who’s your next potential smoking buddy.
Ask for a rolling paper and check the packet
Everybody knows what the stoner’s rolling paper packet looks like. Yes, there’s chunks of the cardboard missing because they’ve used it to make a roach filter. Some stoners might be hesitant to hand over the packet for this reason. Even if they just reach into their bag or pocket to pick one out for you, try to get a squiz at the packet. Someone with a rolling paper almost always smokes weed – especially if they pull out a king sized paper.
They have an uncanny fascination with the number 420
If they are the only person at work who announces that the time is 4:20, I think you have a stoner in your workplace. If you notice someone take their break every day at this time, that’s also a tell-tale sign. Look out for 420 stickers around their electronic items or on their musical instruments!
Ask them what kind of music they like
One of the easiest ways to tell if someone is a stoner is to check their music collection. It has almost never failed me. Stoners are quite eclectic, but they love to talk about music. And you can almost bet that every stoner has a vendetta against pop music. If the answer is Miley Cirus or Bruno Mars, you probably aren’t talking to a pot head. So run – run as fast as you can.
On the other hand, stoners love bands like Tool and Audioslave. Of course, they love their stoner music too, such as Bob Marley and stoner rap!
What? What did you say man?
Stoner’s almost never get something the first time you say it. They are tripping with the fairies and it takes some time to bring them back down to Earth. Sometimes they also have a delayed response, waiting three seconds before giving you an answer. This is another way to tell that someone is a stoner. If you have to repeat yourself many times, you’ve found one of your own kind!
They keep repeating themselves
Stoners often forget, halfway into a conversation, what they said at the beginning of the conversation. They might also forget events that happened a couple of days ago or conversations that you shared in the past. Ding! You’ve found yourself a pothead!
Ask to use their computer and check their browsing history
Ok, this is a little bit of a detective game now. It’s probably how my mother found out that I smoked weed – aside from all of the other ways that it’s easy to tell. If you’re a stoner, you know what online stoner culture is like! Hail Mary Jane is the perfect example. If the word “bong” comes up even once in their Google search history, the writing is on the wall.
You met them at 7-11
If you met them after midnight at 7-11 don’t even bother looking for other symptoms of stoner-dom. You have found your stoner buddy for the night. At this stage of your stoner career, you should be able to tell the difference between a drunk and a stoned person. If it’s obvious they aren’t drunk but are holding donuts and chips in their hand, then just ask them if they would like to smoke a joint with you. Your detective work is done!
They hold a cigarette like a joint
I love this one! If your secret stoner is smoking a cigarette but holding it like a blunt or a joint, you just found yourself a stoner! Cigarette smokers were never taught how to hold a joint unless they are already a joint smoker.
They are always hungry or ready for a nap
The two things stoners love the most are food and sleep. And as a stoner, you should be very familiar with that. If that person is always complaining that they are hungry or craving a piece of cake, you know that you’re probably talking to a pothead!
Also, if every time you ask how they are they reply with “tired” or “ready to have an afternoon nap”, then they probably smoked a bowl not all that long ago.
Use your stoner sixth sense
Your stoner senses are very powerful. It’s almost a self preservation technique for stoners that we do without even realizing it. We just naturally gravitate towards other stoners, the same way that those “right wing” kind gravitate to other right wingers. Trust your instincts! If you sense a “friend” is nearby, it’s probably because they are. I personally think that this is the best way to tell if someone is a pothead. It’s using the psychic abilities that marijuana gave you to be able to scope out other marijuana users.
Light a joint near them and see if their neck snaps
I love sitting in the park and lighting up a joint. Some people look with a peeved look on their faces. They aren’t the stoners that you’re looking for. But if you see someone’s neck snap in your direction as if they just smelled the marijuana gods nearby, you can bet that they smoke weed. This is especially true if they won’t stop turning around to look at you or try to make eye contact with you. This is their psychic way of asking you to go over there and offer some of your joint.
Nothing ever really phases them
If you find that it’s really hard to piss someone off, chances are that they are placid because they smoke weed. Umm, the same could be true if they are on opiates – but I’ll trust that you will notice the difference. Weed smokers are so chill and nothing ever really phases them. If you’re late, it usually just means that they have a few more minutes to sneak in a bowl.
Check their movie collection
Ask your mystery person what kind of movies they are into or what their favorite movie is. Some stoners won’t admit that they loved Half Baked or Pineapple Express because they don’t want to announce to the world that they are a pothead. But stoners really love super intelligent and trippy movies like Donny Darko, Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind and Cloud Atlas.
Remember that stoners get over stoner-toilet-humor and sometimes like to get really intellectual. You can see that through their movie collection or through the conversations that they have with you!
The stoner stereotype
To be honest, I hate stereotyping, but sometimes it’s necessary. I use stereotypes to find weed in foreign countries sometimes or in cities that I’ve never been to before. It’s almost embarrassing to admit that dreadlocks are almost guaranteed. There’s always going to be a moment when the stereotype fails, if they satisfy other criteria on the list then this one can be the confirmation. Do they always wear tie-dyed clothing? Are they a white person with dreadlocks? Are they playing hacky sack or juggling in the park? It’s a pretty safe way to tell that someone is a pothead.
The realest way to tell if someone is a stoner is to ask them. Don’t be shy to ask. Most people are okay with it as long as they aren’t your boss or a police officer. You should use your common sense before asking. You don’t need to ask your friend’s mom if she smokes weed. But feel free to ask the cute girl behind the bar. She’ll just say no if she isn’t. Plus, stoners appreciate openness and honesty, so if they are a stoner, you’ll get brownie points for being the one who broke the ice.
Always remember that most people will be more freaked out by you playing detective than simply just asking. They might notice you checking them out and they’ll ask you before you ask them!