How I Smuggled Weed On A Plane: One Woman’s Journey Through TSA

Liz Brown beats the TSA
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I’m not as young as some of you out there but I’m not old enough (or bold enough) to have ever had the opportunity to try and smuggle weed on a plane before things got all ‘touchy-feely’ and invasive at the airport after 9/11.

Sure, my ex of ten years and I were both avid smokers but by the time we collected enough employee credits in life to be able to afford two plane tickets anywhere we both worked jobs that may look down upon us having been arrested for an attempt gone awry.

So instead, we proceeded like looser n00bies and would board our plane in hopes of there being some trust worthy seedy characters around for us to score from once we arrived at our destination.

Luckily for us though, there are those that are willing to boldly step forward and make a mockery of the tissue thin airport security that is STILL in place.

Now me and you may not be willing and able to fool the high-tech body scanner cavity searching voyer machines the TSA now uses, but we can surely enjoy the ponderings of Liz Brown in her article, as she does.

See, I didn’t just carry weed on a plane in my underpants. I carried weed on a plane in my underpants in a hollowed out maxi pad. I decided that the troglodytes at airport security had to be pretty fucking sure I was carrying something dangerous before they felt justified in asking me to hand over the maxi pad I was currently wearing.

I recall how guys were always jealous of us females since we have body parts and accessories that traditionally allowed us ‘personal’ space. No male or female security agent was EVER going to pat too closely to anything bunched up between a woman’s legs.

Yes, it’s sexist, sure, but whatever. We’re talking about smuggling drugs on a plane, so back to our heroine as she verifies something that I always suspected about therapists who in my opinion make their living by dealing with the people who refuse to medicate.

Yeah, that’s right. Some psychotherapists smoke weed. I did. Yours probably does to. We have to. Because people like you are unbelievably fucking boring to talk to.

So what did our friend learn from this experience and how might we all benefit from this exercise?

I learned a valuable lesson that day. You can still get weed on an airplane if the security gate has a puffer. Also—pot brownies are a good idea. Also? Being white helps.

Now you know folks, now you know. The enemy is using trickery and now we have new information. We have our brave heroine Liz Brown to thank so don’t forget to drop some ash on her behalf.

Have you successfully gotten weed through TSA? If so we’d love to hear your story. Let us know how bad ass Austin Powers you are. Don’t be shy!

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  1. Nicole October 2, 2015 at 09:13

    So you’re the disgusting pig that is the reason us law-abiding women who happen to be on our periods get sexually assaulted at the airport? There have been numerous complaints of women being harassed every since this article was published. Don’t you think the government can read a public blog?

    1. Bicycle Dike December 16, 2015 at 18:36

      You’re a bumb ditch.

  2. laura September 11, 2014 at 14:21

    how funny. i’m a flight attendant, just got back from a trip and these 2 ppl had weed on my flight out of new york LGA (yes, flying out of NYC on the morning of 9/11 these 2 rocket scientists brought weed). anyway it smelled up the whole plane and the feds were there waiting when we landed. smart.

  3. j roc December 23, 2012 at 13:48

    The best way to get through TSA with weed is to know someone at TSA who can walk you through…I always roll it up with tissue and leave it on me…most of the cray machines are optional unless u go through major airports like Atl….I have come through with a gallon bag of bud in my bag before the xrays….

  4. Smokey Jane April 30, 2012 at 08:52

    I have taken weed on multiple trips and I never take it the same way twice. Before 9/11 it was easy , now not so much. Last time I flew I emptied out a few black
    And milds and refilled them put them back in the pack seal the pack and put it in my carry on TSA doesn’t normally check packs of legit smokes.

  5. i and i 420 November 15, 2011 at 22:46

    i have

  6. Far Nor-Cal November 15, 2011 at 20:38

    Easy-peezy! First thing is that TSA doesn't run dope dogs on carry-on. That being said, I take a nearly used stick deodorant and unscrew the deodorant out and set it aside. You can then put an eighth of bud in the bottom (in a snack sized zip lock bag. Then reload the deodorant stick, replace the cap and enjoy your flight. Other than that, roll your clothes tightly by hand, including your stash in the beginning of the roll. I put my smoke in my socks, roll them up and put them in my shoes. The machines are more than x-ray, they look at densities in your bag contents, therefore you put the weed in tightly rolled clothes. I also tape weed to the inside of my pants and roll them tightly. If I am holding, I ALWAYS carry-on. Don't have it on your person, too risky. Also, NEVER CARRY A METAL PIPE!!!

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