42.0 Ways To Tell If Someone May Be A Stoner

Stoner friends are the best. If you have no bud, they might have some and come and blaze with you. You laugh together, cry together, and cough up smoke together. Finding new smoking buddies makes me very excited but you have to be careful trying to find new friends who smoke because afterall, it is illegal and all.

Have you ever been suspicious of a co-worker or friend being a stoner but you weren’t sure? Here are 42.0 ways for you to find out if you potentially have a new smoking buddy or not. These are not all true for every smoker so they won’t always apply but many of them apply to many smokers.

Hopefully no cops are reading this.  If you are a cop, leave my page immediately, but click on some ads before you go.

  1. They always have a lighter, but you never see them smoke
  2. They always smell like weed
  3. You go to their house and hailmaryjane.com is in their browsing history.
  4. You see them hop out of this van.
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  5. If you ask them a question, every single response is “what? or “what did you say man?”
  6. If you are a stoner yourself, usually you can just tell.  Sort of like a stoner 6th sense.
  7. If they are funny and usually calm.
  8. Sometimes you see them and their eyes are red as hell and others they aren’t.
  9. They are always “tired.”
  10. Check the bottom of their lighter. If it has black marks on the bottom of their lighter, you know they been using it to push down bowls / snub out joints.
  11. Their lighter has no safety
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  12. If they smoke cigarettes, they hold it between their index and thumb, instead of between their middle find and index.
  13. Their DVD collection includes half baked, how high, pineapple express, or any number of the other movies on this list.
  14. They are always smiling.
  15. They walk, move and/or talk slowly.
  16. Half the cardboard has been ripped off their pack of papers
  17. They like it big….
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  18. Burnt finger tips
  19. Burnt lips aka smokers lip.
  20. Their ipod contains songs from this list.
  21. They always take a break at work at 4:20 pm.
  22. Stoners usually have baggy eyes, whether they are high or not.
  23. If you have dreads you are probably a stoner, if you are white and have dreads you are almost certainly a stoner.
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  24. If they own a long board.  Where do you think they are riding? To go get stoned, duh!
  25. They use the term “dank for almost anything.  (Dank food, dank drinks, dank bud, etc.)
  26. They wear sun glasses at night
  27. They are very good with fractions (1/8ths, 1/4ths, 1/2ths, etc.) and conversions (28.3 g=1 ounce and 16o= 1 pound)
  28. If they are wearing a Bob Marley, Kottonmouth Kings, or Cypress Hill tee,
  29. They use Rohto eye drops.  Most people will just use visine but all real stoners know that Rohto is king.
    Coupon Outline
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  30. They are a graduate of Oaksterdam University.
  31. They are from California, Amsterdam or Jamaica.  This isn’t a guarantee but I’ll usually put money on people from these places being stoners.
  32. You meet them at 3am at 7-11 buying two hot dogs, a bag of doritos, skittles, and a 2 liter bottle of pepsi; while you are buying the same thing.
  33. They always got some intellectual shit to say even though its usually irrelevant.
  34. Their favorite color is green, or purple.
    6-24-08 PurpleWreck (4)
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  35. They wear clothes made out of hemp.
  36. You met them at Ziggy Marley concert.
  37. They haven’t shaven in weeks (sometimes, or they might just be grimey)
  38. They pull their cigarette like a blunt.
  39. They dress like a hippy.
  40. Even their pets know how to get it in.
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  41. They can barely make it to the end of a list like this without getting distracted.
  42. Ask them.  Most of the time it will be fine as long as you are not asking a cop, a teacher, or your boss.

Shout outs to my friends at grass cityThis post inspired this post from me.  Did I forget anything?  Leave it in the comments people.

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Author: Lenny

Women. Weed. Weather. @LennyGaiter @hail_mary_jane

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  • Hans

    "# They can barely make it to the end of a list like this without getting distracted."

    Fuck, you got me.

    • Guest

      i know, i had to take a hit halfway down the list

      • rohit

        not the only one then. serious habit

    • peter "flowers"

      fucking got me 2 lol XD

    • bob

      did it without even flinching and Im STONED as shit.!!! good fun. I liked the 6th sense one. i kinda have that. I just know.

    • jasus

      we got distracted by family guy right before #41

  • gordy

    i need more photos of that chik!!!

    good article. i did barely make it to the end without becoming distracted.

    damn, i even "know" that same stoner kid!

  • I love stoners.

  • frogit

    43. your g/f asks you why your nut always tastes like weed

    • StonedTonigh


    • olphatkatt


    • paige

      whaaaaaaaat???????? shit son that made me LOL

  • doped

    Black streaks on their pants from cashing bowls and rubbing them on their legs when there's no ashtray within arm's reach.

    • Jessica

      This is exactly what I was going to say. I told my best friend that that was once thing I didn't like about smoking bowls and she got me this "ashsmasher" from the local smoke shop, It's great.

  • never.ending.quest

    lighters always out of fuel from hittin the bowl

  • Dom

    hahaha I’ve been busted by the first one. I don’t smoke cigs so everyone wonders why I have a lighter. So now when someone asks for a lighter, they’re shit out of luck, even though I have one. Unless its one of my buddies.

  • sugartits

    I'm sorry but I don't agree with most of it and i am a hardcore smoker. I don't show most of those signs. About the only one is the black marks on the bottom of my lighter.

    • sugartits sucks

      cool "hardcore smoker", you're the man…. fag

    • jim

      Im really careful about any evidence i leave.

      • iration

        like comments on weed websites claiming how much you smoke? fag

  • karol

    when you ask "do you smoke" and they reply "cigarettes?"
    when my kid says "you smell like daddy!"

    • HAHAHA! Omg.. I've TOTALLY answered with that. BAGGED! Nice one.

  • Jjj

    31. Should have British Columbia in it. Obvious choice is obvious.

  • coopz

    when you talk to yourself

    • fffg


  • Lyric

    Ways you can tell someone smokes simply by looking at their house/room
    – You're room smells like incense
    – You support NORML
    – You have more than two candles in your room
    – You have a can of febreeze in your room/living room
    – You have a large tapestry (or more than one) somewhere in your house/apartment/room
    – You have issues of "High Times" laying around

    (my house has all of these things 🙂 I think I might be too predictable though.

    Oh and another one – – You're from Eugene, OR 🙂 Represent!

    • Evergreen

      I smoked in Eugene… Last year, for a choir festival. I play drums, and my buddies play guitar and bass, and we were rooming together. i brought my bong and guitar friend rolled a joint out of Mormon bible paper haha.
      anyway. We stayed up all night and played music, listened to music, smoked, watched infomercials. The next day we took first place at the competition. Then we smoked again that night.
      Eugene's a pretty chill town.

  • GregoryStoned

    A true stoner knows that 7-11 stops selling their hot dogs at midnight. #32 🙂

    • Andrew

      So true

  • Dr.LivingStoned

    I don't mean to nag or w/e but "SMOKERS LIPS" are a characteristic of crack heads or meth monkeys. I've smoked weed for like 5 years straight and never burned my self, i've get burned but in a good way.

    • abrasive

      Idk about that. I know some "hardcore" smokers determined to get that last hit who've gotten burned lips

      • Im Ryze

        yeah ive burned my lips plenty of time smoking joints

  • you are Right on the Money
    i agree with most of the signs

    • Guest


  • John

    Dude these are great… I litterally laughed out loud when i read "41.They can barely make it to the end of a list like this without getting distracted." B/c i realized that it had taken me 20 minutes to read em all! Personally i think unless youve been a stoner and have that 6th sense then it is extreemly hard and near impossible to tell if a person is high if they dont want you to know. But if you go by this list you woulda caught me especially on the "irrelivent intellectual shit" haha! And btw dude with the lighter in the pic has his fly unzipped. and you should add a number 43- Person types a lot on website commentaries.

  • Paul

    I wouldn't worry about the cops so much. Most of the ones I know are stoners, too.

    • Rachel

      Ha! Yeah… My sister told me about this time she was smoking with some friends in their garage and suddenly a cop in full uniform comes in and casually starts taking bong hits. It freaked my sister out at first. Pretty awesome though if you ask me.

  • eric

    @ that one dude from Eugene

    Hey I’m from Eugene too, 541 nigga recognize.

  • highcheesesouth


    im pretty high guys.n.girls

    • ….

      cool, fag.

  • highcheesesouth


    • LOWKIE


  • Shit, I fall into a bunch of these….3, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, 31, 34 – Favorite color has always been green
    and of course #41 but in all fairness I've always been easily distracted, even before I started smokin

  • jllvalentine

    I don't know what a "1/2th" is but I'd say anyone who does is a stoner.

    • drewmeister

      this made me lol

    • Who knows but if we can smoke it I am in.

    • john

      a half oz

    • Jimb

      "Half..eth..?" Ask your connect for one, see how that goes haha

  • smokingMarine

    Now I havent smoke in close to a year and a half cas of the Marine Corps, but I must say that I really cant agree with all of these. Now some are true, with the black on the lighter and the fact it doest have a saftey. Idk, ii still have that 6th sense to spot out stoners. Everyone in my unit knows i was a stoner from the moment i got here. But just by slow reaction and slow talking. Taking a period of time to finish a answer. Being overly calm. And just your laugh in general.

    • isa

      How come everyone I've met on the internet who claims to be a Marine is fucking illiterate?

      • Girl314

        Do you even know what illiterate means?

  • jesussmokes

    is #12 true?

    • smokethatblunt

      with some people yes i have seen ppl ik smoke pot holding it like a joint

      • N.O.B

        I always hold it like that. I even hold bowls like that when i pass and receive them.

        • N.O.B

          I think its when you start smoking J's before you smoke cigs.

          • Roscoe P. Coltrane

            That's me. I smoked pot for years before smoking cigs regularly. I only started smoking cigs because I took a job with randoms and had to stop smoking weed for a while but still had the smoking habit. People would always comment on how funny I held the cigarette. Eventually, I adapted and now I hold joints like a cigarette.

  • dukester

    in between BC and Oregon you find the mecca of stoners Seattle, WA. If youre from there you re a stoner fo sho ! represent 206 & 425

  • ganjaman420

    when they can't remember what they just said

    • elkachonga

      car keys lol

  • crazysquid

    You forgot the complete collection of Cheech and Chong movies, retro copies of High Times magazines and The Fabulously Furious Freak Brothers comic book collection. If they have these then they ARE or WERE a Stoner.

  • loub

    haha that's hella funny

  • Ihave noclue

    this was funny. it took me an hour bc i had to think about everyone and how it was tru. and laugh to my self. and do other things,, but hahah i dont know man it was tight but some were soo off dude. but. uh yesah

  • JonnySmokesAlot

    When they are all calm, then they hear something n get serious and paranoid for a sec, then they go back to normal. Just say "Where the bud at" and you'll know fo show. This site is dank bro. Now I know why my favorite color is purple!

  • bair

    hahaha im so stoned and for some odd reason this shit halarious haha, shitt.

  • mean_salad

    most of the items on this list are true when it comes to me hehe but i really love #40 cus is true… my dog knows when im gonna smoke and literally begs for me to blow my hit in her face 😀

    • elkachonga

      that's when you know your dogs a stoner lol. give your dog a pat on the head from me, he's a good boy!!!

  • Some Guy

    arent most stoners skateboarders

    i think my friends are stoners…

    by the way im from Albany OR too

  • Cannabeetch

    hahaha brochacho, props on this list, it's so true.

  • Mary

    LOL that guys zipper is down

  • Mo_wizzle

    it took me 15 mins to rad the list..then i got the one about not making it through the list..nearly dropped my L i was laughing so hard!!! hahahhaaha

  • Drew

    You forgot "if they have a kottonmouth kings tattoo. That's usually a dead giveaway… JS. xD

  • codyGREEN

    i fell under 38 of these

  • Seth

    When u burn your bangs from lighting a blunt or joint

    • phil

      yeah but that usually comes out if you wash your hair.

  • smokethatblunt

    33.They always got some intellectual shit to say even though its usually irrelevant. describes me a good bit loll

  • iamfwomwome

    good list, but 1 pound = 454g

  • Victorious

    I know exactly what you mean by the "stoner 6th sense." It's like our souls instantly bond the second another smoker walks into the room.

  • HitTheShit

    This shit waz a trip. (oo)

  • limpit norman

    didn't get distracted until no 34 cuz my favourite colour is green then i sat back and thought i was born to be a pickle and got dead proud of myself for ending up smoking weed

  • oldster

    How to tell older stoners? They have Grateful Dead stickers on their car. They really need their medicine because the old arthritis flares up all the time. If male, has a long grey ponytail and beard. If female, is partial to tiedye muumuus. Still says "farout, man" or "trippy".

    • Mike Sandy

      It's true. My grandpa was a huge stoner and he dropped a lot of acid in his day too. "Far out, Mick" That's all I hear when he's around.

  • 33 is apt for many that I know, although I wouldn’t actually consider the topics or subject matter discussed to be irrelevant.

  • HippyGirl420

    on no.11 the dudes fly is down

  • Mike Sandy

    You can tell a stoner when the subject of stoners is forgotten in the forum over a slight oversight of a zipper being down. Way to get shit done 🙂

  • smokeweed

    31. What about BC and Portland, OR?!

  • Sleep's dopesmoker

    thank god i live in holland, is just ask the dude if he wants to smoke a joint

  • bigsherm1957

    If they like to golf or go fishing, what do you think they are doing out there? Why do they need to "get away from it all" ?

    If you do like to smoke and golf, try http://bighittergolfpipes.com!

  • guest+

    KIDS< PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE follow rule number 42!!! Your teachers really enjoy educating you and may very well keep your red eyed secret. but NEVER ask your teacher that question. It can ruin careers during these confusing and economically fucked times.
    Now… get your hpmewrok started!!!
    I'll relax….hehe

  • Rachel

    Ha! The alpha-stoner in our group usually makes it a point to steal our lighters and rip off the safety before returning it to us. I get kinda pissed sometimes when I get my lighter back and the top is mangled. Oh well. :p

  • 420:D

    Diff moods all most every time ur with em.

  • dannyson19

    be careful of number 27 which is a good indicator but the person might be a cook or a baker which im sure they hit good dank….aww dam im a cook lol there mind im high

  • dannyson19

    I have a huge Bob flag with christmas lights around it. People never think twice to ask where da dank at lol

  • bill

    lol… #42. teachers. i go to college and know a lot of pot smoking future teachers.

  • Roscoe P. Coltrane

    I had a gf who would burn her acrylic thumb and index nails from trying to finish the roach all the time. Eventually, I had to get her a pipe. She was such a sexy stoner.

  • Connie

    i asked my teacher once but i only poped up with a random Q. once and a while and she would always answer. and she was a stoner!! her favorite color was green, she used the eyedrops or watever they are, and was ALWAYS TIRED. and she had a van that was painted like that and she also was a hippy and “had to get away from it almost everyday” so most of the time we had a sub…..but that was a LONG time ago….but im not as old as you think i am

  • mrpurps

    people who use the word "dank" are 100% stoner!

  • ganjaninjaxtremesmoke420

    efffry1 in da world shuld be a stoner, LEGALIZZZE POT 2012

  • bptr

    This article was dumb as hell and not funny. But the pic of the chick smoking a bong with her tits hangng out above her hot legs and ass was worth it all.

  • Gary Maxwell

    Or if they got long hair. Some people say that to me. "Oh you got long hair, You must be a stoner."

  • Champ

    I had a supervisor who always ask to barrow my lighter and the first thing he does after lighting his cig is look at the bottom of my lighter and give me a knowing look when he would see black stuff on it, so I had keep my toking lighter at home and a non burnt one in my car.

  • gingerguest

    dude, i was most of these BEFORE i ever toked lol. friend in an old band would always ask if i was stoned haha


    who can get me a good connection.

  • TrippinNugz420

    all stoners zone out all the time ha ive become quite pro at it xD
    stay trippy n high

  • Yahweh Smokes

    I have observed that the stoners are physically attractive, optimistic & straightforward (instinctively honest, decent people). They tend to be more intelligent and evidence-based sort of persons. One is drawn to their personalities, since they communicate 'fun' and 'well-being' in their facial and bodily features!

    Those who lie, cheat & steal in business and government jobs despise stoners, since stoners intuitively avoid them for the social plague such human scum represent. There will be a moral revolution in our society (USA) when MaryJane is legalized!

  • Bob

    Stoner for life ma niggas!!

  • @iam_tochy

    Just started..it’s really nice getting high…from Nigeria

  • Buddy

    Lol I got distracted about halfway down Thr list and I only remembered this an hour later when I turned my phone on lol. 😀 hit the hay buds 😀

  • OogaBoogaKillaMonsta

    Lol I got distracted about halfway down Thr list and I only remembered this an hour later when I turned my phone on lol. 😀 hit the hay buds 😀 haha

  • Yea I remembered just starting collage last year and met this dude who was always smiling and after settling down an becoming acquainted when ever he is not writing notes he kept holding the pen like a blunt and smiling.As for me my extra black burnt lips gives me a way.

  • ROOR@me

    Pretty dank list! Rhoto silver’s for the win (if you’ve got a pair). I have to say thanks for the movie and music lists. Got some good pics on here too. Had a good laugh after I came back from watching TV only to read “can barely make it to the end of a list like this without getting distracted.” Good stuff…

  • Jesus

    I’m a cop.

    • banana_king

      omg jesus is a cop!

      • Plastiek

        This explains so much!

  • jonny novak

    D.A.N.K to keep kidz off shwagg

  • madi

    you feel the vibes maaan?

  • BongRippyTrippyHippie

    Haha, I got a good laugh outta this … Stay trippy, much love

  • Nugmurphy

    Reppin 401!

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  • Iris

    Everyone always assumes I’m a stoner ever though I’m not. I often have people if I can sell them weed. I have tried weed and hate it with a passion. It makes my whole body hurt and makes me panicy and to start feeling like everyone hates me or that I’m a freak or something. I’m just naturally mellow, creative and laid back without that stuff.

  • TheEmperorOfWorlds

    Smokes? For what purpose?

  • Smergy burglar

    But what if I think my boss smokes?

    • Hahahaha good point

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