30 Traits Of A Good Weed Dealer


As long as marijuana is illegal, we will all have to deal with them. You know, the sometimes shady, sometimes flaky, sometimes weird weed dealer? The one who will tell you he is going to call you and you don’t hear from him for 3 days. Yeah… that guy.

Hopefully you have a good weed man, for your sake. Hopefully you have a guy that will do at least 5-10 things on this list. They don’t necessarily have to do them all (nobodies perfect) but they definitely do have to have a few if they want return customers.

Here are 30 things you should expect to be done from a good weed man, if they aren’t being done then that means that you need to find a new guys.

        1. He has good prices
        2. Will take shorts from time to time
        3. Is available…. ALL THE TIME..
        4. Has a phone… with minutes
        5. Doesn’t make up weird names for every product
        6. Won’t keep you waiting
        7. He is local
        8. He delivers (sometimes they deliver food or something too)

        1. Never lets the phone go to voicemail
        2. He is always stocked
        3. He has a variety to choose from
        4. Throws you a bday sack
        5. When he says he’s going to call you back, he actually does
        6. Will smoke you up every now and then
        7. Doesn’t expect you to smoke him up on stuff you just bought
        8. Never short (Get a scale to make sure)
        9. Never pinches the bag
        10. If he has bad weed, he gives you large quantities
        11. Doesn’t weigh out his weed and gives more than what you paid for
        12. Gives free blunt wraps or papers with transactions
        13. Has at least one other person that can conduct business for him
        14. Doesn’t just give you a good deal the first time you go to him
        15. Offers other illegal goods or services
        16. They introduce themselves or offer you weed initially
        17. They are cool to hang out with.  All weed dealers seem to want to be your friend so at least be interesting
        18. Their crib is a place where you can make connections
        19. He is consistent… You don’t want him to let you down at the wrong time
        20. Picks up his phone whether he has it or not
        21. Uses twitter.. Not a requirement but it makes it easier to keep up with him
        22. He reads HailMaryJane.com so he knows all of these rules

Shout outs to all my friends on twitter for helping me out with this one. Follow me on twitter if you aren’t already. Did we miss any?


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Author: Lenny

Women. Weed. Weather. @LennyGaiter @hail_mary_jane

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  • yup

    #19 makes no sense. How can a drug dealer not weigh his weight? The fuck? lol

    • pot

      Da dealer might b a rookie and just bag it up and nt weigh it lol dats how a nigga in my skool b doing so u kno i shop with his dime 4 a nick price azz

    • guest

      uh, do you need a machine to tell you when you are being shorted? honestly, raise your hand if you can't tell instantly by eyeing it.

    • Syncd

      because whoever wrote this is obviously used to be buddy buddy with his dealer. The article that led me here talked about how we need to stretch our weed in these rough times. I guess you make more money just tossing a handful of stuff to someone? I agree. Then again, my dealer didn't use a scale in front of me for months. Now he brings it over and does it in front of me.

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  • weedmnssd

    your a fucking goof

  • T from the 617

    what the fuck.. a lot of those are just bad for business as a dealer

    what respectable dealer doesn't weigh out the weed and give you more than what you paid for? this list is a surefire way to go broke if you're hustling.

  • Ricky Retardo

    12, 14, 26, & 28 are for friends that are dealers… i wouldn't expect non of that shit from a business dealer

  • Jay

    I would never throw down a free bag fuck that, but yah I keep the price good and the flow consistent

    • Hey did u know somebody here on salt lake? I know it sound ridiculous but I know nobody

      • david

        And you are what we call a narc

        • pootytang

          im looking for a job in the boise area know anyone?

  • Ddxxx


  • Hahaha

    Your An idiot me being a dealer I was dumbfounded halfway thru this thread! It’s a job not a buddy buddy system. Only like five of those things would b acceptable And that’s only fOr close friends.

  • fuck you

    Fuck dealers grow your own Shit everyone always let's you down sooner or later but Mary Jane will always be there for you



  • Justice

    Uses Twitter? You’re fucking joking right?

    • Sarina

      lol Yeah this is an imaginary dealers list for stoners. Any real dealer doesn't do most of that. lol

  • love weed

    bet most of u cart grow to save yore life i like the 30 things mabe not all ov them are the best buut sum are pritty good
    [polldaddy 6165403 http://answers.polldaddy.com/poll/6165403/ polldaddy]

    • scotty

      you spastic

  • Turok

    1. Always has weed, AND a backup plan.
    2. Weighs his shit out to around +/- .1
    3. Shows you the scale without you having to ask.
    4. Consistent pricing. (Obviously, different tiers of weed sometimes cost more, but I hate having to stop at the bank twice)
    5. Has a house or apartment to do business in, unless you live in the same neighborhood.
    6. Is honest about how long you'll need to wait, and answers the phone.
    7. Has chronic 99% of the time.
    8. Never tries to upsell mids.
    9. Can get things done with a time constrictions.
    10. Always carries a pipe/papers.

  • 1) gives you the right amount and quantity
    2) answers the fucking phone
    3) not a duck
    4) is chill

  • Jeremy

    Those last two you just pulled out your ass

  • Jalan

    That’s the most ridiculous list I’ve ever read in my life. Granted, there are a few things on that list that are across the board for any dealer, but that’s honestly just common sense for any dope smoker. I’m embaressed for you, man. Some of that shit was just so categorically untrue and ridiculous that you made me feel downright awkward. Thanks man.

  • Jalan

    Twitter? Really?

  • Emmanuel B.D.E.

    This is a real dumbass list. Twitter??? what the fuck? u shouldnt even call yourself a stoner or a pothead. u sound like ur on the lowest level of weed smoking.

  • Chris

    tha dealer i go to ther is mad niggas wit magnums nd ak 47 at ther side is tht gud?

    • Tyler

      probably not, every time i pick up(usually quads), it is just my guy and me.

  • I live in salt lake n I don’t have someone . It’s anyone who can hook me ? Please it’s been like two months *_*

  • Tuneeee

    Sadman ask the cholos. The Mexicans in slc

  • k__

    so why do you assume dealers are guys ALL of the time? sure they're the majority but I'm reading this and I feel left out. females do work too yo.

  • Jorge Dill

    This helped me alot i didnt know how many bullshit dealers i had but ive been smoking for about 3 years now and im still new so i didnt know how or what great weed was.

  • carlos

    1) great weed
    2) not a fucking chince
    3) doesn't act like an asshole to his customers.

  • Norwegian Stoner

    Haha, idiot. People deal to make money, and are on a tight budget most of the time. You have absolutely no knowledge of this at all, or are you a spoiled white kid?
    If a dealer would follow these rules he'd be broke, and losing money instead of makin em, haha sucker..

    • fuckyou

      I’ve had four dealers through high school so far and everyone of them followed almost all of these rules. My guy right now follows literally every rule except that he probably doesn’t read this and he didn’t give me a bday sack.

      • Creative, Nes

        Ima dealer myself but the dealer I bought from always gives me the biggest sack and used to hook me up always on 420 with free good bud.. [: Now Its the Lions turn [; Karna in a positive in a medicinal manner [:

    • gemmy610

      Not everyone is out to become Scarface. It can be about making sure everyone is getting their buzz on or getting their medicine. Peace

    • ogweedman

      rules to live by and no this is how you make money not lose it if you are broke your in wrong biz. one on this list that should not be followed never sale where you live number one rule

    • Dawn Marie

      Ok my guy is like the best and the great majority of these and still makes a killing I have never heard him say he has lost on anything even when he just sold reggie

  • Rodri1

    White dealers are more consistant and hav better erb. These black dealers act. scary, or like their running a multi billion $ operation, and move a few grams here and there. Fuckin joke. They let u know they have chronic, act like they about to move it, then say its nuthin, nigga u shook fagit, so I robbed his scarey ass. Put a dent in his head for fuckin not taking care of me, and still left lil pus boy with $ fore I left. 52 market W Philly. Shook ones. Got with a white kid that keeps the exotic, no games, no pussy shit, not actin like he's shootin a video or some shit.

  • College Runner

    My dealer just had her baby and won’t sell to anyone anymore. Anyone in the Orono area available? I need a dank eight.

  • pharoahsun

    hey i’m in slc.. you stil need a hook??

    • Meg

      Hey I need a hookup shoot me a text 2087212205

  • jLynn

    Need someone in Camarillo ASAP!!! don’t wanna keep driving all the way to LA just to get some from my weed guy..

  • Oslo, Norway

    Hey, anybody from Oslo, Norway here? need a hook

    • erika

      Have you found anything, I’m looking too…

  • Need Help

    I’m from northern nj, anyone have any connections?

    • Mel

      Im in Delaware. Do u have any connects yet?

  • baker1533

    You are wrong about the constant hook ups if you do that for one person and thy have a friend that buys from you and they dont get hooked up they will expect it to then you got to hook up everyone making you lose money. A good dealer gives you what you pay for and hooks you up once in a blue moon when you have either been comig back constantly or got your friends to buy some, you got to earn the extra hook up you just dont get it we are in this to make money not take the risks for fun lol

  • skrrrrt

    horrible article. probably 5 different traits in that list represents things you look for when finding. the rest of the list sholda been called “things assholes expects from dealers”.

    • Thank you for the feedback

  • Matt m.

    In dayton Ohio area. Need a guy.

    • chief937

      dank buds by mid to late july

  • A.L.H.S.W.G.S.

    someone who either gives a sample of either product or gives a sample to new customers

  • Bored ass nigga

    i live in haslet an i cant find anyone that deals

  • dontdrinkthebongwater

    looking for a chill dealer in london ontario hmu @ jacob103@hotmail.com

  • Bonaquad

    Mine has actually 13 of those traits

  • angel

    Yeah I have a female dealer and she always gives me good prices I find that female weed dealers are better that’s my opinion though

  • Cartman

    so mine has 23 but i guess thats sweden for you

  • frank

    The right amount AND quality? Well done.

  • Estty

    I need someone like this in melbourne!

    • daniel

      Melbourne what? Florida?

  • pebbles

    comes to your house or you go to his/hers. and doesn’t get you too meet him/her in alleys every single fucking time you pick up!

  • Ash

    My dealer’s sick, he always gives me much more than I pay for and his weed is always dank and just gave me a piece as an early Christmas present, I hope all of y’all find amazing dealers

  • Rondo de Squelo

    anyone kmow a good dealer in slidell?

  • Brandon Power

    I need someone like this in kennewick!

  • Alli

    Anyone around Pittsburgh who can get me a deal? Text me 7245945099

    • Mel

      Hey im in Delaware 👋

  • dean


  • Juan

    I live in columbus, ga. I need a hook up. Im a 16 year old male lookin to buy some weed and lighters from!!!please help!!!

  • AD

    yo im in southern indiana any good hookups? no bullshit man im near evansville/owensboro

  • fafda

    message me you’re number

  • himomna

    I live in south jordan utah i need a hookup bad text me 8014404236

  • ///

    I live in al near tuscaloosa/northport area and don’t know anyone much anyone got a hookup

  • Creative, Nes

    Wow.. The last rule is very true, because well Its true jaja But yet trhis is very accurrate except the twitter part or any social medias because of Police.

  • Cody

    Yeah you gotta be careful those peeps sometimes just lace it with hard stuff

  • PrincessBLARITY

    I’ll be a medicinal weed dealer soon :3

  • Mel

    Who lives in Delaware or near? Need some connects for some good loud and definitely edibles.

  • Mr. Potato

    I don’t have a dealer and in Pelham. Can anyone hook me up?

  • Kayla

    Not a duck! xD

  • Victor

    I’m in philly and there is probably 1,000 dealers within a 10 mile radius and most follow a lot of these. But they don’t work from there crib. And they only take cash because the sell 100 times as much so they don’t have time to take your trash. Also if u think south Africa has the best weed in the world your even dumber than people who think philly has the best

  • Garrett Allan

    I sell 3 pounds a month, and every customer will tell you the same thing. Something along the lines of “that’s my nigga”. I have been dealing for two years, and can tell you that this post is sure to make you a broke mo fo.
    First, a business man always has a set price for a set amount. This is to ensure an even, fair plane to every customer. You never give “deals” because then everyone wants “the deal”. “The deal” is equivalent to “i lose”.
    Second, never give your buds away, you idiot. You are born once and I’m not obligated to give you a sack just because you celebrate it too often. Birthday boys pay like everyone else.
    Third, you ALWAYS have a scale. Every weed is less or more dense and a million years of dealing experience will not give you the ability to weigh accurately with your eyes or hands. Having a scale is principle and secures profits accurately. And it also means less problems when someone whips out THEIR scale and you happen to be off by .3.
    Which brings me to my next and fourth point: A good weed man is disciplined with his profits and reinvestments. He realizes that our world runs on money and that nothing is free. A good weed man never gives. Instead, he is fair to friends as well as any one else. It’s not a a charity.
    Last, a good weed man has common sense, and doesn’t follow idiots like the one that created this post.

  • daydeceive

    A good connect is like a circle of snakes that revolve around each-other, like inbreeds f-‘n their sister-wives. Like the 46% Anglo Majority and 54% Immigrant minority of Toronto etc. If your not part of their circles, you get left-overs and sometimes nothing at all. So my life has been a wast of my $ on them and now I should grow my own..fk it. Fk-all these fake, slut-made dealers of CANADA!!!!!

  • Jimmy Birer

    I wish I had a duck dealer

  • Pam

    You forgot about dealers rights. I am a female dealer and customers want strange favors.

    How about, Eight ways to be a good customer.
    1. Don’t always be $5 short. Sometimes is okay but always…hmmm no.
    2. Don’t text me asking for money to pay your car payment.
    3. Stop asking me to break up an eighth with 2-3 different strains.
    4. Don’t ask me to deliver 1 g 20 miles away.
    5. Don’t ask me to drive you to Walmart to go grocery shopping and then drive you home.
    6. If I’m nice enough to give you a ride, don’t take anything out of my car.
    7. Don’t ask me to front you a half..really?
    8. Walmart parking lots have cameras. Let me drive to your house.

  • Young Blood

    I live in Albemarle, NC and I don’t have someone . It’s anyone who can hook me ? Please it’s been like four months

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