30 Traits Of A Good Weed Dealer


As long as marijuana is illegal, we will all have to deal with them. You know, the sometimes shady, sometimes flaky, sometimes weird weed dealer? The one who will tell you he is going to call you and you don’t hear from him for 3 days. Yeah… that guy.

Hopefully you have a good weed man, for your sake. Hopefully you have a guy that will do at least 5-10 things on this list. They don’t necessarily have to do them all (nobodies perfect) but they definitely do have to have a few if they want return customers.

Here are 30 things you should expect to be done from a good weed man, if they aren’t being done then that means that you need to find a new guys.


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  1. Young Blood August 5, 2016 at 16:29

    I live in Albemarle, NC and I don’t have someone . It’s anyone who can hook me ? Please it’s been like four months

  2. Pam July 8, 2016 at 22:01

    You forgot about dealers rights. I am a female dealer and customers want strange favors.

    How about, Eight ways to be a good customer.
    1. Don’t always be $5 short. Sometimes is okay but always…hmmm no.
    2. Don’t text me asking for money to pay your car payment.
    3. Stop asking me to break up an eighth with 2-3 different strains.
    4. Don’t ask me to deliver 1 g 20 miles away.
    5. Don’t ask me to drive you to Walmart to go grocery shopping and then drive you home.
    6. If I’m nice enough to give you a ride, don’t take anything out of my car.
    7. Don’t ask me to front you a half..really?
    8. Walmart parking lots have cameras. Let me drive to your house.

    1. Profile photo of Lenny
      LennyHMJ July 9, 2016 at 05:40

      Great comment! Can you email me? Lenny@hailmaryjane.com

    2. Profile photo of Lenny
      Lenny July 9, 2016 at 04:54

      Great comment Pam and thanks for the comment! I will do this as a future article piece and give you credit. Can you shoot me an email at Lenny@hailmaryjane.com

  3. Jimmy Birer June 8, 2016 at 01:22

    I wish I had a duck dealer

  4. daydeceive December 29, 2015 at 02:21

    A good connect is like a circle of snakes that revolve around each-other, like inbreeds f-‘n their sister-wives. Like the 46% Anglo Majority and 54% Immigrant minority of Toronto etc. If your not part of their circles, you get left-overs and sometimes nothing at all. So my life has been a wast of my $ on them and now I should grow my own..fk it. Fk-all these fake, slut-made dealers of CANADA!!!!!

  5. Garrett Allan November 7, 2015 at 12:08

    I sell 3 pounds a month, and every customer will tell you the same thing. Something along the lines of “that’s my nigga”. I have been dealing for two years, and can tell you that this post is sure to make you a broke mo fo.
    First, a business man always has a set price for a set amount. This is to ensure an even, fair plane to every customer. You never give “deals” because then everyone wants “the deal”. “The deal” is equivalent to “i lose”.
    Second, never give your buds away, you idiot. You are born once and I’m not obligated to give you a sack just because you celebrate it too often. Birthday boys pay like everyone else.
    Third, you ALWAYS have a scale. Every weed is less or more dense and a million years of dealing experience will not give you the ability to weigh accurately with your eyes or hands. Having a scale is principle and secures profits accurately. And it also means less problems when someone whips out THEIR scale and you happen to be off by .3.
    Which brings me to my next and fourth point: A good weed man is disciplined with his profits and reinvestments. He realizes that our world runs on money and that nothing is free. A good weed man never gives. Instead, he is fair to friends as well as any one else. It’s not a a charity.
    Last, a good weed man has common sense, and doesn’t follow idiots like the one that created this post.

  6. Victor October 31, 2015 at 10:03

    I’m in philly and there is probably 1,000 dealers within a 10 mile radius and most follow a lot of these. But they don’t work from there crib. And they only take cash because the sell 100 times as much so they don’t have time to take your trash. Also if u think south Africa has the best weed in the world your even dumber than people who think philly has the best

  7. Kayla September 14, 2015 at 04:09

    Not a duck! xD

  8. Mr. Potato September 10, 2015 at 05:09

    I don’t have a dealer and in Pelham. Can anyone hook me up?

  9. Mel August 26, 2015 at 22:52

    Who lives in Delaware or near? Need some connects for some good loud and definitely edibles.

  10. PrincessBLARITY August 14, 2015 at 04:55

    I’ll be a medicinal weed dealer soon :3

  11. Cody August 7, 2015 at 07:40

    Yeah you gotta be careful those peeps sometimes just lace it with hard stuff

  12. Creative, Nes June 15, 2015 at 01:44

    Wow.. The last rule is very true, because well Its true jaja But yet trhis is very accurrate except the twitter part or any social medias because of Police.

  13. /// April 11, 2015 at 22:10

    I live in al near tuscaloosa/northport area and don’t know anyone much anyone got a hookup

  14. himomna January 17, 2015 at 16:46

    I live in south jordan utah i need a hookup bad text me 8014404236

  15. fafda September 10, 2014 at 08:27

    message me you’re number

  16. AD June 29, 2014 at 01:19

    yo im in southern indiana any good hookups? no bullshit man im near evansville/owensboro

  17. Juan June 21, 2014 at 20:59

    I live in columbus, ga. I need a hook up. Im a 16 year old male lookin to buy some weed and lighters from!!!please help!!!

  18. dean March 9, 2014 at 04:47


  19. Alli January 26, 2014 at 03:28

    Anyone around Pittsburgh who can get me a deal? Text me 7245945099

    1. Mel August 26, 2015 at 22:56

      Hey im in Delaware 👋

  20. Brandon Power January 23, 2014 at 03:26

    I need someone like this in kennewick!

  21. Rondo de Squelo January 9, 2014 at 17:36

    anyone kmow a good dealer in slidell?

  22. Ash December 10, 2013 at 11:06

    My dealer’s sick, he always gives me much more than I pay for and his weed is always dank and just gave me a piece as an early Christmas present, I hope all of y’all find amazing dealers

  23. pebbles November 27, 2013 at 20:59

    comes to your house or you go to his/hers. and doesn’t get you too meet him/her in alleys every single fucking time you pick up!

  24. Estty October 23, 2013 at 14:06

    I need someone like this in melbourne!

    1. daniel November 25, 2013 at 17:55

      Melbourne what? Florida?

  25. frank October 21, 2013 at 15:07

    The right amount AND quality? Well done.

  26. Cartman October 10, 2013 at 01:41

    so mine has 23 but i guess thats sweden for you

  27. angel September 25, 2013 at 23:33

    Yeah I have a female dealer and she always gives me good prices I find that female weed dealers are better that’s my opinion though

  28. Bonaquad August 28, 2013 at 14:36

    Mine has actually 13 of those traits

  29. dontdrinkthebongwater August 6, 2013 at 03:27

    looking for a chill dealer in london ontario hmu @ jacob103@hotmail.com

  30. Bored ass nigga August 1, 2013 at 11:58

    i live in haslet an i cant find anyone that deals

  31. A.L.H.S.W.G.S. May 30, 2013 at 14:35

    someone who either gives a sample of either product or gives a sample to new customers

  32. Matt m. May 12, 2013 at 23:46

    In dayton Ohio area. Need a guy.

    1. chief937 May 20, 2013 at 21:23

      dank buds by mid to late july

  33. skrrrrt May 12, 2013 at 16:03

    horrible article. probably 5 different traits in that list represents things you look for when finding. the rest of the list sholda been called “things assholes expects from dealers”.

    1. Profile photo of Lenny
      Lenny May 12, 2013 at 22:30

      Thank you for the feedback

  34. baker1533 May 4, 2013 at 13:54

    You are wrong about the constant hook ups if you do that for one person and thy have a friend that buys from you and they dont get hooked up they will expect it to then you got to hook up everyone making you lose money. A good dealer gives you what you pay for and hooks you up once in a blue moon when you have either been comig back constantly or got your friends to buy some, you got to earn the extra hook up you just dont get it we are in this to make money not take the risks for fun lol

  35. Need Help April 26, 2013 at 21:11

    I’m from northern nj, anyone have any connections?

    1. Mel August 26, 2015 at 22:57

      Im in Delaware. Do u have any connects yet?

  36. Oslo, Norway April 14, 2013 at 17:36

    Hey, anybody from Oslo, Norway here? need a hook

    1. erika February 13, 2014 at 14:14

      Have you found anything, I’m looking too…

  37. jLynn April 3, 2013 at 16:12

    Need someone in Camarillo ASAP!!! don’t wanna keep driving all the way to LA just to get some from my weed guy..

  38. pharoahsun April 3, 2013 at 04:30

    hey i’m in slc.. you stil need a hook??

    1. Meg October 18, 2013 at 18:23

      Hey I need a hookup shoot me a text 2087212205

  39. College Runner March 31, 2013 at 22:39

    My dealer just had her baby and won’t sell to anyone anymore. Anyone in the Orono area available? I need a dank eight.

  40. Rodri1 February 12, 2013 at 22:53

    White dealers are more consistant and hav better erb. These black dealers act. scary, or like their running a multi billion $ operation, and move a few grams here and there. Fuckin joke. They let u know they have chronic, act like they about to move it, then say its nuthin, nigga u shook fagit, so I robbed his scarey ass. Put a dent in his head for fuckin not taking care of me, and still left lil pus boy with $ fore I left. 52 market W Philly. Shook ones. Got with a white kid that keeps the exotic, no games, no pussy shit, not actin like he's shootin a video or some shit.

  41. Norwegian Stoner February 6, 2013 at 15:40

    Haha, idiot. People deal to make money, and are on a tight budget most of the time. You have absolutely no knowledge of this at all, or are you a spoiled white kid?
    If a dealer would follow these rules he'd be broke, and losing money instead of makin em, haha sucker..

    1. Dawn Marie January 10, 2014 at 08:16

      Ok my guy is like the best and the great majority of these and still makes a killing I have never heard him say he has lost on anything even when he just sold reggie

    2. ogweedman January 10, 2014 at 07:58

      rules to live by and no this is how you make money not lose it if you are broke your in wrong biz. one on this list that should not be followed never sale where you live number one rule

    3. gemmy610 January 9, 2014 at 18:35

      Not everyone is out to become Scarface. It can be about making sure everyone is getting their buzz on or getting their medicine. Peace

    4. fuckyou November 27, 2013 at 23:50

      I’ve had four dealers through high school so far and everyone of them followed almost all of these rules. My guy right now follows literally every rule except that he probably doesn’t read this and he didn’t give me a bday sack.

      1. Creative, Nes June 15, 2015 at 01:46

        Ima dealer myself but the dealer I bought from always gives me the biggest sack and used to hook me up always on 420 with free good bud.. [: Now Its the Lions turn [; Karna in a positive in a medicinal manner [:

        1. CDog November 6, 2016 at 13:56

          That’s what’s up I need me a dealer up in Cincinnati Ohio you know anyone?

  42. carlos December 1, 2012 at 23:04

    1) great weed
    2) not a fucking chince
    3) doesn't act like an asshole to his customers.

  43. Jorge Dill November 10, 2012 at 13:29

    This helped me alot i didnt know how many bullshit dealers i had but ive been smoking for about 3 years now and im still new so i didnt know how or what great weed was.

  44. k__ September 8, 2012 at 16:19

    so why do you assume dealers are guys ALL of the time? sure they're the majority but I'm reading this and I feel left out. females do work too yo.

  45. Tuneeee July 20, 2012 at 20:05

    Sadman ask the cholos. The Mexicans in slc

  46. Sad man July 19, 2012 at 20:57

    I live in salt lake n I don’t have someone . It’s anyone who can hook me ? Please it’s been like two months *_*

  47. Chris June 17, 2012 at 22:51

    tha dealer i go to ther is mad niggas wit magnums nd ak 47 at ther side is tht gud?

    1. Tyler June 30, 2012 at 11:25

      probably not, every time i pick up(usually quads), it is just my guy and me.

  48. Emmanuel B.D.E. June 12, 2012 at 14:49

    This is a real dumbass list. Twitter??? what the fuck? u shouldnt even call yourself a stoner or a pothead. u sound like ur on the lowest level of weed smoking.

  49. Jalan June 12, 2012 at 07:11

    Twitter? Really?

  50. Jalan June 12, 2012 at 07:08

    That’s the most ridiculous list I’ve ever read in my life. Granted, there are a few things on that list that are across the board for any dealer, but that’s honestly just common sense for any dope smoker. I’m embaressed for you, man. Some of that shit was just so categorically untrue and ridiculous that you made me feel downright awkward. Thanks man.

  51. Jeremy June 10, 2012 at 13:27

    Those last two you just pulled out your ass

  52. Ryboii May 15, 2012 at 19:16

    1) gives you the right amount and quantity
    2) answers the fucking phone
    3) not a duck
    4) is chill

  53. Turok May 4, 2012 at 19:36

    1. Always has weed, AND a backup plan.
    2. Weighs his shit out to around +/- .1
    3. Shows you the scale without you having to ask.
    4. Consistent pricing. (Obviously, different tiers of weed sometimes cost more, but I hate having to stop at the bank twice)
    5. Has a house or apartment to do business in, unless you live in the same neighborhood.
    6. Is honest about how long you'll need to wait, and answers the phone.
    7. Has chronic 99% of the time.
    8. Never tries to upsell mids.
    9. Can get things done with a time constrictions.
    10. Always carries a pipe/papers.

  54. love weed April 23, 2012 at 20:02

    bet most of u cart grow to save yore life i like the 30 things mabe not all ov them are the best buut sum are pritty good
    [polldaddy 6165403 http://answers.polldaddy.com/poll/6165403/ polldaddy]

    1. scotty August 1, 2012 at 05:06

      you spastic

  55. Justice March 11, 2012 at 04:19

    Uses Twitter? You’re fucking joking right?

    1. Sarina March 12, 2012 at 16:34

      lol Yeah this is an imaginary dealers list for stoners. Any real dealer doesn't do most of that. lol

  56. STAXS CAPONE February 15, 2012 at 11:30


  57. fuck you December 22, 2011 at 23:13

    Fuck dealers grow your own Shit everyone always let's you down sooner or later but Mary Jane will always be there for you

  58. Hahaha June 30, 2011 at 15:01

    Your An idiot me being a dealer I was dumbfounded halfway thru this thread! It’s a job not a buddy buddy system. Only like five of those things would b acceptable And that’s only fOr close friends.

  59. Ddxxx September 2, 2010 at 07:25


  60. Jay July 27, 2010 at 16:21

    I would never throw down a free bag fuck that, but yah I keep the price good and the flow consistent

    1. Sad man July 20, 2012 at 09:47

      Hey did u know somebody here on salt lake? I know it sound ridiculous but I know nobody

      1. david November 4, 2013 at 04:59

        And you are what we call a narc

        1. pootytang January 10, 2016 at 22:41

          im looking for a job in the boise area know anyone?

  61. Ricky Retardo December 18, 2009 at 11:46

    12, 14, 26, & 28 are for friends that are dealers… i wouldn't expect non of that shit from a business dealer

  62. T from the 617 November 19, 2009 at 03:19

    what the fuck.. a lot of those are just bad for business as a dealer

    what respectable dealer doesn't weigh out the weed and give you more than what you paid for? this list is a surefire way to go broke if you're hustling.

  63. weedmnssd September 19, 2009 at 03:48

    your a fucking goof

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  65. yup September 5, 2009 at 12:20

    #19 makes no sense. How can a drug dealer not weigh his weight? The fuck? lol

    1. Syncd October 23, 2012 at 18:18

      because whoever wrote this is obviously used to be buddy buddy with his dealer. The article that led me here talked about how we need to stretch our weed in these rough times. I guess you make more money just tossing a handful of stuff to someone? I agree. Then again, my dealer didn't use a scale in front of me for months. Now he brings it over and does it in front of me.

    2. guest August 19, 2011 at 14:27

      uh, do you need a machine to tell you when you are being shorted? honestly, raise your hand if you can't tell instantly by eyeing it.

    3. pot November 12, 2009 at 23:34

      Da dealer might b a rookie and just bag it up and nt weigh it lol dats how a nigga in my skool b doing so u kno i shop with his dime 4 a nick price azz

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