If you’re lucky enough to live in a weed legal state (or other weed legal part of the world), then you don’t really need this article. But the sad truth is that many of us still have to wander off into a dingy alleyway after dark to meet our dealers. If your dealer is the dispensary, consider yourself lucky. For those that have to buy their herb from a dealer, there are some tell tale signs that he’s a good one (or a bad one).
If your dealer is one of your close friends, that’s basically as good as it gets. Having friends as dealers makes things so much… friendlier! If it’s not the case, you should be careful with dealers. There are plenty out there who are less than honest, and you can end up losing more than you gain. So I’ve taken the liberty of compiling a list of the traits of a good weed dealer. And you can trust me – because I’ve had experience buying from many dealers over the years in many parts of the world. It seems to me that there are threads between good dealers and bad dealers, no matter where you live!
My advice is generally to stay away from bad dealers, even if you’re desperate for a smoke. It’s almost never worth making the trip to your less than trustworthy ganja dealer. So, if he (or she) doesn’t have any of the traits below, count your losses and start looking for a new dealer!
He tells you when it’s bad weed!
Ideally he would never even stock bad weed, but sometimes dealers just get their hands on whatever they can. It’s because most people out there just want to smoke anything, and he wants to please the people. It’s understandable. But he should always tell you if it’s bad weed. A good dealer will always give you the choice of whether or not you want to buy bad weed, and he won’t lie about the quality.
If it is bad weed, he gives you more
If he admits to you that it’s not the best quality weed, a good dealer should make the price a little bit cheaper or should give you more than you paid for. A good dealer understands that honesty and loyalty are important for keeping a regular clientele.
He answers his phone, even if he doesn’t have stock
Only an inconsistent dealer will screen calls just because he doesn’t have any weed on hand. A reliable one will answer the phone and tell you that he doesn’t have any. And of course, he will tell you when he anticipates having more!
He doesn’t keep you waiting
Keeping you waiting is a big no no! If he says he’s going to meet you at 5, and doesn’t get there til 5:30, it’s sketchy. Plus, picking up weed is usually an affair I want to get done quickly. To be kept waiting is frustrating, and a tell-tale sign that he’s a bad dealer.
There’s a variety to choose from
Well, if he only has one strain he isn’t a bad dealer. But you know he’s extra good if he has more than one kind for you to choose from. This is a rare quality in a dealer in non-weed-friendly parts of the world, but it does happen. If your dealer has more than one strain to choose from, you know you’ve found a keeper!
He sells more than just herb/flowers
If it’s a really good dealer, then sometimes you can buy edibles or oils. Smoking isn’t the only way to use marijuana, and some people prefer to take it in other ways. Plus it’s fun to mix it up from time to time!
I remember a time in New York City where I used Grindr (a gay dating app) to look for a weed dealer. I successfully found one, and he came and delivered it to the nearest main intersection on his bicycle! That’s commitment from a weed dealer! If he comes to you, that’s a big tick in my book. Weed on delivery is the best kind of herb!
It really helps to have a weed dealer who lives nearby, especially in emergencies. It’s not ideal to have to travel really far just to pick up herb. It might even be a little bit sketchy to travel long distances with a bag full of weed.
The price is consistent
There’s nothing worse than showing up to your dealer’s place and the buds cost almost twice as much as they did last time! There’s definitely something shady going on if his prices are constantly changing. Especially if you can tell that there isn’t really any difference between the weed you bought last time and the weed you’re buying this time.
You get what you paid for
The best piece of advice I can give to people buying from dealers rather than dispensaries is to buy a scale! Weight that shit! It’s always nice to know if your dealer is ripping you off by weighing your weed before you smoke any of it. If it’s short, you don’t need to go back to that guy!
He throws you a freebie every now and then
A good dealer will also recognize a good customer by throwing them a freebie every now and then. It’s nice when a dealer acknowledges that you bring him a lot of business. If he throws you a free nug from time to time, you should keep him around. Especially if he throws one in on special occasions, such as your birthday!
He smokes you up when you go over
Your weed dealer should also be your friend! Which means he doesn’t just give you a bag and send you on your way. He shouldn’t send you away sober is what I’m saying. If he’s a good dealer, he smokes you up as part of the hospitality. Oh – and he never expects YOU to smoke HIM up with what you just bought!
He lets you sample
A good weed dealer will get excited about the products he stocks, and therefore will let you sample them. Weed dealers can usually afford to spare a couple of grams from time to time, and he should let you sample new strains before you go buying an ounce. The same is true for other marijuana products that he keeps in stock.
He doesn’t lie about what he stocks
If he makes up all kinds of crazy names for the strains he stocks, he’s probably lying. It’s also nice if he admits that he doesn’t really know what strain it is. That’s the trait of an honest dealer! Of course, it pays if he knows the names of the strains, but beware of someone who’s just messing with you!
He gives you free papers or blunt wraps
A trait of a really good dealer is when he sends you away with a packet of rolling papers or blunt wraps. It’s so uncommon for dealers to do this, but the really good ones know that it keeps the business coming. It’s pretty rad to be able to stock up on basically anything from your dealer.
He has other people who conduct business for him
If he has other people to conduct business for him, it means that he is basically always available. Even if he is busy or out of town, there’s someone who will be able to deliver or who will be there for you to pick up. This is how a good dealer never lets down his best customers!
He doesn’t deal publicly
Stay away from dealers that work too publicly. If your dealer posts on his facebook page every time he has new stock, then it is probably risky for you to show up and buy from him. Be wary of dealers who have to basically advertise their business!
He stocks other things that you want
It helps if your dealer stocks other things that you like to buy, whether illegal or legal. I know that some dealers stock cool smoking paraphernalia or even things to mix weed with. Having a dealer that is literally a one stop shop makes life so much easier. If your dealer stocks other legal or illegal products that you love, keep him on speed dial!
He calls you back if he misses your call
It’s not really cool if a dealer misses your call and doesn’t call you back. It’s almost like a sign he doesn’t respect the benjamins in your pocket (or your crazy desire to get some weed). He should care enough about his “business” to call you back, which means you don’t have to call him a bunch of times.
He’s cool to hang out with
If you can turn your weed dealer into your friend, then you’ve hit the jackpot. Ultimately, you want to be able to chill and hang out with your dealer. Take some dabs with your dealer or invite him to weed vaporizer session There’s nothing worse than showing up to a dealer who’s kind of a jerk, and experiencing a totally awkward transaction. Buying weed is different to buying hard drugs – it should be way friendlier than that. And in fact, if you can show up to your dealer’s place and never feel like something sketchy is going on, then he’s your man! Your dealer should be someone totally easy to hang out with and smoke with. Until the future of getting your herbs through a weed subscription box is here, having a reliable dealer is the way to go.